Chronicle 60 - I'm A Kid

When I was younger, I used to get a kick out of shadowing someone. I mean walking silently behind them and not alerting them to your presence, as if I am a ninja or secret agent of some sort. A few weeks back when I got out of the train station on my way home, I happened to see my father a few steps in front, also walking home. For some reason, "kid mode" was activated and I decided to shadow him. I remembered the excitement I had as a child doing this activity, and I walked behind him, observing his every step and action. Along the way though, a random thought struck me which kinda destroyed the fun - "He has aged." As I stared at his back, I recalled the many times I saw it and I realized that the skin on your face is not the only skin capable of showing old age. The walk home was a good 10 minutes and it wasn't until we reached the lift lobby did I call out to him.

My parents had a fierce argument sometime back. The topic of the argument was nothing new, just that it had intensified. For me, I side no one. Someone commented, "That's so like you, so neutral." Maybe I am just not inclined to take sides if it is something I don't understand. There are certain causes that I believe in and will take the effort to defend them if need be. My mum wanted to smooth things out over a "Father's Day Dinner", but my father refused to go. In the car, my mum asked if she was being too tolerant, and even hinted at "separation". Now this is a classic example of something I do not understand, and so I thought it was best that I kept quiet. I would like to think that at my age, even if my parents do separate for whatever reason, it can't have much impact on me. But then again, at my age, or despite my age, it seems I'm still pretty much a kid. As a kid, I wonder if I can still hold on to the "I'm bothered but I can't be bothered" mentality.

For the June holidays, I went on an excursion with my students to the Science Centre. There was this typhoon simulation machine where you experience winds at very high speeds. The students under me all pestered me to let them try. I had a hard time being firm in having my students rotate the turns with other visitors. I even had to shout at a few for being selfish. That said, when I saw the machine start up and the winds starting to make a mess of their faces and hair, "kid mode" almost came out and I badly wanted to experience it too. I had it under control though.We then went to a mini water-park within Science Centre where the students were allowed to play with water. I had no spare clothes to change into, but when "kid mode" activated, I realized I didn't care. I had a mini battle with the kids in the water-park. There were the kids, then there was a bigger kid!

I conducted a number of science experiments for my students this month. Kids... Fascinated with every single thing. Wait, that includes me too.

A female colleague just served out her last day in the tuition centre. Just as some students are the teacher's pet, as a teacher, she was the Principal's pet. For good reason too, she is just like the principal described, very 乖. While we don't get to talk much because of our teaching duties, it's difficult to not form a positive impression of her. Some of the students and even the Principal have been trying to discuss the both of us as an item. It actually made things pretty awkward. Hate situations like these where I don't know how to react.

Seeing her leave, it reminded me that I would be leaving in a month's time as well. She gave many of the kids farewell gifts, and as a testament to her popularity among the students, they were scrambling to take a picture with her. What a way to set a standard! It seems I can't leave without a bang either.

I've often prided myself for having a great degree of self-control and not one to give in to childish tendencies or temptations. It seems I was wrong.

[Quotes]
"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung

"It takes courage... to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives." - Marianne Williamson