想当年， 思想薄。I've heard many a time this argument from various people: "If you really want something, you will do anything to get it. If not, it means you don't want it enough." I disagree. I know for a fact that there are moments where I want something so bad, I'll even fight my best friend for it. But, that is only on the condition that whatever it is that I want, is available to me. If it is not available, the rules of accessing the the viability of your efforts and chances will apply, and if I do not feel any indication of certainty, I am very likely to back away. It definitely isn't about the degree of my desire, I can tell you that. Just that as J pointed out, some things really do "have to be available for you to fight for".
优与愁， 随风过。
仰天笑， 全忘了。
不三思， 如水清。
经一事， 长一智。
不觉中， 智导慌。
知识增， 胆子缩。
心欲强， 却无力。
回头望， 错失重。
悔与憾， 留沉默。
垂着头， 求从来。
深夜里， 寻心安。
J mentioned recently that she considers my logical thinking to be an asset. That may be true at times. But it is this very same "logical thinking" I blame for making me so fearful of uncertainty. On a similar note, I once told D that I do not believe in "fate". To be more specific, I do not believe in "meant to be / not meant to be", but rather believe in "able to / unable to" or "want to / don't want to". Uncertainty surrounding either of the questions makes me back away.
By the way, the whole "fighting my best friend" thing never happened. It was just a figure of speech. My best friend and I have very different tastes fortunately.
In Chronicle 60, I remember mentioning that I realized my father has aged. But now, it seems so much more than that. He just went for a surgery to have his entire gall bladder removed. The doctor's advice was to stick to a healthy diet, which I doubt he will be adhering to. Age, sickness and stubbornness sure is deadly. For now, he's still pretty weak and quiet around the house.
I just attended some of my peers' graduation ceremony. Specifically for some, I was pretty glad they graduated. It felt like graduating all over again especially with all the group photos we took. Of course, shouting some cheers at the back instead of parading at the front was much more fun. The drink I was promised for cheering never came though.
Just for inclusion sake, a paragraph on work: For the entire month of March, I tried not to think too much and slogged away while looking forward to the Japan trip. Miraculously, I pulled through amidst all the stuff thrown at me and is now writing this very blog entry in Japan. To issue a fair statement, my bosses are mighty kind. It's just the workload that is killing me (and some minor issues).
On the way here, the plane ride can be described as "有惊无险". The turbulence made the plane dive a few times, carrying our hearts with it each time. There were some kids that were very excited and cheered whenever the plane dived. What bliss to not know the danger: "知识增， 胆子缩". M2 didn't take it very well and had to "unload" after we touched down. Shouldn't have mentioned MH370 to her before that. Was feeling kinda guilty then.
The weather in Japan now is rather cooling. The wind can be irritating at times when it blows against your face. As my skin is pretty dry, it can be very uncomfortable at times. The girls are pretty resilient in their own ways. Seasoned travellers indeed.
Regarding the negative emotion in I mentioned in Chronicle 59, it has resurfaced recently. I certainly don't want to feel it, but I can't seem to get it to stop. I do want to speak to someone about it but then it's something I'm not very proud of.
[Quotes]
"[This] is reasonable and belongs to reasonable man, while [that] is base and belongs to the base." - Aristotle
"I told and repeated a lie so convincing, I can no longer be certain it's a lie." - Self
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