Chronicle 74 - In memory of what it used to be and what it should be

I woke up to the alarm clock. Normal enough. I snoozed it. Normal enough. When I woke up again, the time was 9am; I was late! I jumped out of bed, sent a text to my boss apologizing for being late, rushed to the bathroom, attempted to tear my clothes off, flung open my wardrobe, reached for my shirt, and then... I woke up...

Turned out I managed to fall back asleep and have that little dream in between my snoozes. It took a while for reality to set back in and I immediately grabbed my phone to make sure I didn't "sleep-text" my boss as I did in the dream. I need a holiday.

At work, I've been managing to keep the mistakes away so far, although I'm not feeling relieved the slightest bit. The tension and stress is still piling up bit by bit, and it is very draining. It took quite a bit of discipline to sit down and type out this post - 4 days overdue - at 1.15am.

We just lost a client - our highest paying client no less - and the bosses are already feeling the pressure. The associated negativity and disappointment stuck for a while before we could finally gain back our momentum. Losing that client might ease my workload somewhat, but as it wasn't my main account, not much.

This month has been so busy, with half of the workforce on leave. It was a real struggle covering their duties on top of my own. Lots of developments have been going on at work too, which weren't helpful in the least bit.

I went to the Comex IT show with C and F last week and witnessed their purchase of a new laptop each. The sales techniques employed at the IT show were pretty interesting, although not at all transparent. Sometimes, it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

Sometimes when you re-encounter something that you once desired, you'll get this weird feeling that reminds but doesn't revive. It's something like looking back and then thinking to yourself: "So this is it. I see now why. I understand now how." There are no regrets, no lingering desire and no sense of comfort. Yet, there is this nostalgic feeling that you feel which makes me want to revisit the past, not to change it or imagine how it could be, but simply to watch and remember how it used to be.

The London Analysts are in Singapore! AC and NH. Both of them are wonderful people. Sometimes we just need to know people instead of knowing a name through emails. They are also helpfully helping out with some of the workload; bless them.

Once I left my wallet in the office while walking to lunch. Upon realizing it, I told my colleagues I'll catch up and ran back to the office. I kept my promise and managed to catch up, but was panting rather heavily. SO actually commented: "You need to work out". Ouch, that hurts. Seriously though, I have to agree.

[Quotes]
"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on." - Jonathan Safran Foer

"It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are full of the truthless ideal which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded. It looks as if they were victims of a conspiracy; for the books they read, ideal by the necessity of selection, and the conversation of their elders, who look back upon the past through a rosy haze of forgetfulness, prepare them for an unreal life. They must discover for themselves that all they have read and all they have been told are lies, lies, lies; and each discovery is another nail driven into the body on the cross of life." - W. Somerset Maugham

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of reality." - Edgar Allan Poe

"Beauty must appeal to the senses, must provide us with immediate enjoyment, must impress upon or insinuate itself into us without any effort on our part." - Claude Debussy